It’s very easy to instinctively reach for your phone in an uncomfortable moment. Most phones are equipped with multiple ways to grab and retain your attention. In social situations like being at a party, bar, or concert, when you are in between conversations, you don’t want to feel like the loser with no one to talk to so you pick up your phone. Look at it, see if any new emails came in, send a text, read something. Anything to keep the moment from being awkward. When you’re walking down the street on the way to work or to meet a friend you pick up the phone. Walking is boring so why not. Driving down the road and you’ve got to stay in touch? Grab that phone and text.
In these moments you are not reaching for your phone, you are reaching for a security blanket. Your phone as a security blanket is called a Phone Blanket. Using the Phone Blanket is common in this fast paced world.
We reach for the Phone Blanket because we are afraid that we are going to miss something. Afraid of the awkward moment. Afraid of being bored.
If you’re reading this and it jives with you (and I’ll put myself in this camp) then join me in putting down the Phone Blanket. Lift your head up and take in the fearful moment. Break through and be a prisoner no more!
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Update: Someone had asked me how to break through. My answer is 1) that awareness of the issue is the first step. Secondly, if you find that you’d rather not have the phone blanket feeling then 2) when you feel the urge to reach for it, become aware of it, and focus on your breath. Let the thought pass. Simply be in that moment without having to reach for the phone. By doing this you are breaking a habit, and slowly you can condition your mind for a new habit. The new habit could simply be to enjoy the moment of alone time. Try to be comfortable by yourself.
Your writing is getting more and more powerful. Hooray for you. I can feel the power with which you now write. Keep up the good work!
“Phone Blanket” what a great term to call this activity I kept seeing & thinking about this activity and was not sure what was causing people to act this way. Now I know. Thanks for your thoughtful insight.
Ya, Really !! I belong to the camp, But I never looked at it this way. I just subconsciously acted as per your description.
Awesome post Ben. It really made me think !!!! I still wonder why do we feel so awkward when we are alone. What is our fear in that state of mind ? Is it the fear of the unknown ?
So I keep giving bust effect !!!!!
In my case, this happens ( subconsciously ) because of a desire for public acceptance. Somewhere we have learned that a loner is a looser, and we don’t want to be a looser.
Another reason for this is a habit of avoiding our own self. People like me day in and out tell lies to our own selves. In the moment of loneliness we can be exposed to our own self, which may question-
Hey what are you doing ?
Believe me Ben, many times I hate that question.
But not anymore, thanks for the insight
Oh man, I do this all the time – as do most of my friends and colleagues. The bitch about this is that I am totally aware of it. If I see someone walking toward me and I don’t want to make eye contact with them I pull out my phone and pretend that I have something urgent I need to read. So sad.
Thanks for another fantastic post, Ben. I’ve always been aware of this social deterrent, but now that others are aware I need to change my ways. It isn’t that hard to lift my head and simply smile.
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Spot on Ben. And it contributes to our inability to apply the necessary mental discipline that’s required of the good work we all need to do at some point or another. Think and grow rich…great idea, if only we could string together enough thoughts without stopping for a lovely distraction every 19 seconds.
Thanks all! This was a note to myself as well. Recently I’ve experimented with leaving my phone at home when I go out on the town. It’s an interesting test.
I was in my mid-twenties before I ever made a long distance phone call (this was when you actually dialed the phone!) and once for two years my family lived in rural South Dakota with no phone. We never missed having it. So it took me a long time to ‘get’ the cell phone bug. AND yet as a member of my culture I too now find the Phone Blanket a compelling addiction. Something about being to call my daughter at any time of the day or night and no matter where I find myself (she lives 1200 miles away). Yikes! I do leave my phone off for whole segments of the day – in the same way that I only read email once in the early morning and once in the evening. Thanks, Ben, for the useful language.
Leni~ Thanks for the response. I’m happy to help provide a pause and a thought.
LOVE the term.
I always think it’s rude that people play with their phones when they are with a group! sort of like sucking your thumb while stroking your bankie in public.
ewhhh!!
for a related podcast – check out
http://www.soundstrue.com/podcast/?p=1589#bottom
Soren Gordhamer: Wisdom 2.0
His specialty is helping people find ways to reduce stress, access presence, and increase creativity particularly in relationship to technology.
Lisa~ Thanks for introducing me to Soren Gordhamer.