Connections at the Root

I think I have discovered the single biggest problem facing US culture. And where there is a problem, there is also a huge sub-culture united (unknowingly) to solve it.

If you had asked me what the biggest problem facing the US culture two months ago I would have been hard pressed to come up with one answer. There are so many issues, how to pick just one?

For a while i was thinking scale was the problem. Too many big businesses out there. But recently I realized that I really like working with a large group toward a common large-scale goal. Blaming scale doesn’t really get to the root of the problem.

Then it hit me… the greatest problem facing the US culture isn’t scale, it’s the feeling of disconnection that seems to be inherent in large-scale scenarios. The problem, in other words, is the lack of awareness of the connection that we each have to ourselves, to other people, and to the earth.

So if you think about a large company, the scale of it prevents people from feeling the connection to others. There is an imaginary boundary between us and another human created by the company rules and policy. We’re not actually acting from our own mind. We’re acting from the company rule book in our head. Think about it. I know I’ve felt this with most jobs I’ve had and you can clearly see it with most public facing employees. We don’t make that real connection with others on the job because often we’re not acting from our own awareness of that connection. We’re not empowered to feel, honor, and act on that connection.

The same happens in our lack of connection to nature. Our modern world surrounds us everywhere and so we begin to associate comfort with our tools rather than the natural world that gives us actual life. The buildings, streets, and television – they don’t provide us life. Life comes from the food that comes out of the ground, water, and sex.

And what about ourselves. That internal connection is lost amongst all of this external stimuli. But if you take the moment to shut it all out and let yourself be quiet then you can hear that faint inner voice of true expression and peace. Sometimes you can’t hear it but you can sense it so you track it down as if you’re on a scavenger hunt. Only to find that it moves again like any good living connection. It’s there and it’s waiting for you.

This lack of awareness of our deep connection is all around us. I even feel it in myself when I’m standing in front of a cashier at a bank or grocery store. When did my life get taken over by some rule book?! I see it in corporate process when others aren’t aware how their decisions affect other stakeholders. It’s all around us. We’re all forgetting ourselves all the time!

What encourages me though, is the amount of people who are unknowingly bonded around the new belief structure that we are all connected – to ourselves, to others, and to the earth. And that honoring this connection is worthy of priority. Many of us are saying that large-scale projects can be good, but being involved with them can’t be to the detriment of tapping into our deeply human connections.

If our job feels like a wedge between ourselves and the rest of the world then we don’t want it. If it asks of us to be false in some way to ourselves, to hide that connection to our inner voice, then we don’t want it. If the products of the system hide our impact on the earth or weaken our connection to it then we want to recognize how it does so and by how much. Then we decide whether it’s right for us or not.

And if and when we falter, if and when we forget to honor this deep connection… we will be there to remind each other that connections are the root of real life.

| Posted in Uncategorized

in control

The world whizzes by

The strength and momentum of the stream
trying to catch me up
and sweep me along

I lean back
deep into my pocket-
comfortable seat

Confident and steady
I hold my position
and calmly accelerate

I am in control
…and it feels awesome.

| Posted in Poems

Zingers

Life can be a song… just find your tune.

High on a hillside, I am a human solar panel patiently capturing the energy’s sunlight.

You could get away with not answering emails.

World 2.0 is about redefining wealth and success.

You don’t have a money problem… you have a “what do I do” problem.

Where shadows exist, shine the light.

Pride is a phantom.

There’s a right book for the right time.

The earth loves you.

There is beauty in maintenance.

This won’t last forever.

Deep bonds are made through adversity.

Everyone is excellent at something.

| Posted in Poems

Become One

Let the rising sun greet my face and warm my soul…

The cool air refreshes my skin and cleanses my mind…

It gently reminds me that peace,
serenity, and happiness
are already here… are always here
I just need to notice them

It begs of me to notice them

I breathe in deeply
and we become one.

| Posted in Poems

Time

Time.  A lot of it has passed since I last wrote.  Then again, if you compare it to the age of the universe (which we don’t even understand) then basically no time has passed.

I feel different though and I can only imagine what you’ve been through over the past few months as well.

I’m coming back on line here… I can feel it.  I’ve got no promises about frequency of posts or even what the posts will be about.  I just get the feeling that my need to communicate is bubbling up again.

I can tell you one thing that I’m doing differently from here on out: I’m disabling comments.  I want to hear from you so email me if you’d like to chat.  I just found myself a little too interested in checking in to see if I got comments and then not really having a good flow with how to respond or have a conversation.  It didn’t feel natural or healthy how I was approaching it.  I prefer more powerful one-on-one conversation unless I’m in person.  So… email me.  I’d love to hear from you.

Time.  We’ve got to live it up and use it deeply while we’re here.

Onward and upward!

| Posted in Uncategorized

Fly By

there was a butterfly of gentle wing
floated by and by
yellow satin, brown and gray
dotted on its wing
it made a point of sitting still for not a moment or too long
it ducked and weaved and dodged the air
toward some imagined goal
the endpoint i’m sure it couldn’t see
it just moved and bounced effortlessly
but with no seeming intention, path or plan
just the way of nature’s hand

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| Posted in Poems

Civilization Awareness

It is Outlandish to think that in a world of nearly 7 billion people, you could make a difference.  Yet you do.  You make a difference just by being alive and making the decisions that you do.  It’s hard to see this sometimes because you are just one among billions, and here for such a small time compared to the life of the earth or even civilization.  But if you see that your life and context are part of what all ancestors have built for you then you can see how what you build today will affect the future as well.  By seeing this way, that you are a part of something larger that you can change, you live with Civilization Awareness.  Civilization Awareness includes the recognition that…

Civilization is a thing.  Most of us aren’t raised to think of civilization (or society) as a thing with dimensions to it because it is so much bigger than us.  It’s like the air we breathe, we don’t notice that it surrounds us and provides context for our life experience.

Civilization is like an amoeba. It explores in multiple directions at any time, but one progresses overall in the direction with the greatest energy.  Do you recall looking at an amoeba under the microscope in science class?  An amoeba moves in a forward direction like a 2 dimensional blob, slowly extending tendrils in various directions until one tendril seems to “win” thus convincing the rest of the mass to move in that direction and the mass behind the leading tendrils falls in line.  (video here).  Civilization is like this.

Civilization is not fixed. The “world” (by this I mean civilization) as we know it is much different today than it was 100 years ago and even different than it was 10 years ago (YouTube and Facebook didn’t exist in 2001).

Civilization change starts in one mind.  Every man-made element you see surrounding you started as an idea in one person’s mind.

Civilization is collaboration.  Though an idea starts in one person’s mind, in order to come to life in civilization it must interact with others in a process of collaboration.

Civilization is communication.  Your life is communication.  You communicate internally with your self, with the physical environment through signals, and through spoken and non-verbal interactions with other individuals.  Therefore, the level of openness in communication between citizens is a reflection of how open the civilization is.

Civilization starts with self-awareness.  Changes on a civilization scale start with individual self-awareness.  Changes of scale start with one person asking how they can make a more meaningful life for themselves or others

Civilization is comprised of systems. Civilization becomes a set of systems that are either informally enforced through social code or formally enforced through laws.

Civilization is a platform and it is man-made.  If you were to imagine all humans disappearing from Earth, then there would be no civilization.  Eventually our buildings would crumble and the natural world would take over.  Civilization is a thing that we humans built and maintain.  Civilization is not “of” the natural world, it is man made.  It is a platform that we have built to support ourselves.

Civilization is not done. It continues to evolve and as you see from the above, you are part of deciding how it moves into the future.

Civilization needs guiding stars. So where is this amoeba of civilization moving?  As you can see, we get to decide where it goes.  If it’s going somewhere, let’s say where we want it to go.  Paying attention to the leading thinkers of our time it seems that we are collectively trying to build a civilization that does 2 things.

1.     Civilization should be sustainable.  As a platform it should be porous enough that as it sits on top of the natural world (our environment) it allows the rest of life to live through it with radiance.  In other words, civilization should be sustainable in context of the natural environment.

2.     Civilization should support the empowerment and development of every individual.  Our systems should be based around helping others live better lives.

Of course, these are big picture and without significant definition, but that is exactly why they are guiding stars.  At any point you could ask the question of whether a given idea or activity lines up with the guiding stars.

Civilization needs your curiosity.  In order to progress our civilization further in line with the guiding stars your self-awareness and curiosity is needed.  We need your curiosity to outweigh any feeling of fear you have in raising questions.  Fearlessly question.  That is how we individually and collectively progress.

Civilization is simply a collection of people like you.  You and your decisions are significant.  You decide what tendril of the amoeba you are part of and where we are going.

As you can see Civilization Awareness promotes the sense of connectivity both with others alive now and how the world will be in the future.  It promotes the idea that we are in charge of this thing and we each play a part.  How does your view of the world change when you see civilization reframed like this?  How would civilization change if we all thought this way?

Be outlandish.  Be civilization aware.  Spread the word.

| Posted in Uncategorized

What is Life Coaching?

What is Coaching?

People often ask me what coaching is all about.  To me the term coaching isn’t the best term for what I do, but since I haven’t found a better one I’ll stick with it for now.  For any of you who have wondered what coaching is all about let me tell you.  I think these skills and ideas are transferable to anyone who ever talks to people (hopefully all of you)!  These are powerful techniques for interacting.

Coaching is Exploration of Self through Conversation

What I offer you is deep, honest, powerful conversation focused exclusively on you and the world you are trying to create for yourself.  In it’s most simple form this is what I do.  It sounds pretty simple, eh?  A little too simple perhaps?

Let me ask you this… when was the last time you got to really unabashedly talk about yourself and the journey you’re on and to do so in an honest way with an impartial listener deeply listening to you?  When have you been challenged if you are bullshitting yourself and been engaged in compassionate but deep conversation?

Most of us don’t have this and perhaps never had it.

For me this is the essence of coaching.  I see each conversation as a grand adventure.  It is a voyage of improvisation and discovery every time.  Together we enter into unknown spaces within your mind and explore what answers we may find.

We travel to these places through the questions that I ask.  The place we go is not the place where you store your memorized thoughts.  It’s not even the place where you store your rehearsed thoughts.  This is not the place where you store previously made decisions.  I take you to the place where you really think about things.  I take you to the place where you don’t know the answers and we explore together.  It’s like we walk side by side through places neither of us has discovered before.  And we’re looking for clues to help you develop flow.  I act as a guide, with my questions being the flashlight, and my ears being the eyes that help me see what you are trying to find.

The place where we go is like a cavernous room of darkness but not in a scary way, in the way of amazing untapped potential or information.  Have you ever looked closely at musicians who are improvisational playing in the moment?  Their faces look like they are in another place, almost as if they were in another realm.  Well, that’s because they are.  They are listening so intently that the music becomes the world in which they live.  In our conversations this is the place I travel to and invite you into.

People often think of coaching as setting and achieving goals.  While that can be effective that is not the foundation.  What most people really need in life is opportunity to explore these places in their minds.  It’s like going on a vacation without leaving your own head.  All the peace, flow, and creativity is up there we just need to dig it up or move it around to get it in sync.

The process of exploration can uncover blind spots in how you operate, it can uncover kinks or limiting thoughts that prevent you from taking action, and it can show you possibilities you’ve never seen just through reframing.

Exploration of this space and the information it uncovers is sometimes all the fuel a person needs to have a powerful day or week.  I’ve found that often the thoughts uncovered in these sessions, once settled into new thought patterns, is victory enough.  However, sometimes more is needed…

Coaching is development of self through Project Management

OK, so now you have some new perspective to deal with or new ideas about what you’d like to do.  Sometimes, just sometimes, you need help in laying out a plan of attack for how to translate new thinking into action.

My operational and organizational side kicks in to help lay out a plan.  Again, in this case my mind moves into a place of visualization.  I see the elements in front of me and I can connect dots from where you want to be to where you are now.  Typically what I see is a series of projects or exercises to accomplish – each one bite-size and measurable.

Instead of getting overwhelmed in trying to accomplish a big plan we break it down into mini-projects.  From week to week we’ll look at projects to accomplish.

I should mention at this point that this line of thinking comes from 10+ years of being a project manager, a small business owner, and a manager of musicians whose entire careers are project based.

This is an equally fun process, with each step yielding cool results that help determine what the next project will be.

If you see that your life is a business then your daily life is the operational side and I come in to help you Project manage.  I help you define projects (just like a project manager) that add value to your life and/or improve your operations.

Coaching is teaching or passing on a way of being

This is the one I’ve had the toughest time with.  For the past year that I’ve been doing this I’ve often asked myself who the heck I think I am for implying that I’ve found a good way of being that’s worth passing on.  But you know what, it’s true, so I am going to share it.

What I teach, mostly through the experience of coaching, is that life is a practice and that the goal of our practice is to have peace and flow within and throughout.

Of course, there will be challenging times and times that cruise.  But how we mentally deal with our daily experience is really all we’ve got.  All of the answers about how to deal with anything and how to build a powerful life for yourself are held within you.  I’m teaching the practice of how to listen to yourself, build projects, consider, and move forward.  It is the process of self-awareness, mindfulness, and balance that I teach.

In my own life, I have treated curiosity as my greatest value – more than any other form of wealth.  I try to pass on this idea.

If life is a practice, then you are both the student and the teacher.  You will learn everything you need to know for our personal journey inside your own head.  I merely facilitate this.

I teach you through conversation how to touch the source within you.  More than anything, I want to pass on this feeling.

More than anything, I hope this explanation helped clear up a little bit what coaching might be all about!

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| Posted in A good way to live

Approach the bear

A few nights ago I woke up with a dream fresh in my head.  In this particular dream I was walking by myself on an abandoned fire road in the middle of a deciduous woodlands on a winter’s day.  75 yards in the distance I saw a brown bear on it’s hind legs foraging through some trees.  I spent the next few minutes nervously wondering whether I should walk to the left, down a slight hill and then proceed past the bear from this safe spot or whether I should wait for it to move on.  After a few moments of this the dream came to an end.

These days I record my dreams and then analyze them to learn what my subconscious is teaching me.  Part of this process is getting to the essence of the dream.  In this case, I had a strong feeling of indecision, uncertainty, and fear.  When I stepped back into the dream it felt ridiculous that I was expending so much energy on an animal that was so far away.  I had an overwhelming sense that I needed to get much closer to that bear, in fact that I needed to be that bear.  My dream was telling me that by projecting possible outcomes of a situation (seeing from a distance) I was wasting energy being fearful.  Instead I should move closer to the situation.  I should be like the bear – confident, powerful, and steady.   Ahhhh… good dream!

The ability for our mind to create projections of the future keeps us safe but it can also be crippling.  In life, how often do you look at a problem from so far away that you can’t really get a good read on it?  How often do you wonder, worry, and stress about what might happen that you forget to just enjoy the moment that is happening?

In a case like this dream, I spent so much time thinking and wondering what would happen if I got close to the bear that I never considered how close I could get.  Projecting possible negative scenarios in front of me wasn’t helping.  It just didn’t feel good.   The lesson for me was that my “bear” was projection thinking.  Over the past week I’ve been practicing the art of leaning into situations that would normally give me pause.  Instead of wondering whether the big path is the right one, I’m practicing the art of the small steps.  It’s been a powerful insight.

Coincidentally, a couple days after this dream I was coaching a client who needed help approaching her own bear.  This woman has a secure job but wants to switch to a more passionate career.  She is crippled by the fearful projections of not having enough money to support herself through her dream job.  The fear of what could be is keeping her from investigating what could be. Together we took one step closer to the bear by determining how much money she would need to make, what type of job would make sense, and where she might be able to find a job that fit her parameters.  She’s using this information to compile a list of companies to which she will apply.  Only when the offers come in, will she actually have to reach out to touch the bear.  In the meantime, this is an action plan to bring her closer so she can better inspect it when the time comes.

OK, now on to you.  What bears do you have in your life?  What situations are you dealing with and what scenarios are you projecting?  Are these crippling you from taking small steps?  If so… get closer to the bear.  Be the bear.

| Posted in Pushing, Opening, and Expanding Your Boundaries

Trusting yourself in the tough times

Consider all of the times you’ve been completely down on your luck.  Consider the “life flashing before your eyes” moments you’ve had.  Think of deaths in your family or loved ones lost in other ways.  Consider the tough economic times when you’ve been out of work for too long to make any logical sense that you could support yourself.  Consider all of these times.

It’s amazing isn’t it? It’s amazing what you’ve been through and that you’re somehow still here (even if you doubted yourself in the middle). Most likely you’re actually mentally stronger for having gone through it despite the misery.

I think it’s worth remembering this the next time you find yourself in midst of tough times. Instead of doubting whether you’ll make it through trust that you will… because you always have.

| Posted in Powerful Communication